Goodbye 2013

Staring at the ceiling at night, thinking if everything is worth it. feeling the inspiration to write something, its 4:20 in the morning.

What happened this 2013?

Let me say that during the first half, nothing seemed noteworthy, It seemed like it was not living life to the fullest. it is not a secret that I was in a very tumultuous relationship months prior. But let’s not define my whole ‘being' with one failed relationship. in a way, I am really thankful and blessed to have had that part of my story, but things end and I have to accept that. 

Family, my constant source of strength, my greatest weapon against all negativity. you keep me going even when the world seems to turn its back on me. You understand me, you love me unconditionally despite everything I am. you give me hope that everything will be ok. I love you, and will do everything for you without question, only say the word.

True friends, my friends till the end, Robert and Mark, you truly helped me through those days where it seemed that I refused to get up, the days when I just god damn nearly gave up, what can i say, i’m a very emotional guy, I wear my heart on a sleeve and I am proud of that. I will never forget this. I hope you continue to find true happiness with Monique and Yvette. I am truly happy for you guys :)

I am happy to say that I am doing better, moved on, loving my life day by day and staying positive. It has been hard to move on, but the journey to it has been a great teacher, full of highs and lows, but totally worth it

Timecheck, 4:32

Toni, you have been such a good friend to me, I will be there for you! don’t even think twice before you ask for help, that random text you sent turned out to be good for the both of us, no bullshit here, I love you! you are my friend till the end for sure! even if our friendship hasn’t even lasted a year.

You taught me that sometimes life sucks, but human nature tends to fight that negativity, it is our human nature that makes us continue to fight, grow and mature. so let us keep growing as our own selves. maybe someday life will suck a little less. but for now, I am just a single call away.

Timecheck, 4:50

PCCVG?

What will my year be without you guys? you made this my most memorable yet. This group has taught me that friendships evolve, from volleyball to a friendship that I cannot imagine living without. Hangouts at Coffee shops from 11pm to 2am, no dull moments, and nothing fake, we don’t hang out because we have to, we hang out because we want to, in no less than a few months, we became sort of a family and nobody can deny that. what made me so attached to this group is the fact that we have many different personalities and professions. nothing is ever constant, even if we do the same damn thing every week, it somewhat feels different anytime.

Cheers, I raise my glass to everybody. and let’s make 2014 even better.

Happy new year

I love and live free, I am human and God is my witness.

-Chot

Final Timecheck 5:04 AM. Good night and God bless.

Worth It

Life is hard.

Ever come to this conclusion? most of us do, but just have that look of defeat. Yes, life is hard, but do we really need to make it harder on ourselves? Stand up, chin up, and put a smile on that beautiful face. You owe it to yourself to keep on keeping on. Maybe someday, you will find the life you live a bit easier to live.

I have lived an easy going life. and a day came that when adversity hit me, I thought that I would never recover. I was too self absorbed to see that people cared, that people were looking out for me. This was the most selfish thing that I had done.

Seeing this after a while, it hit me that I had let Life defeat me. I cleaned up my act and let myself be somebody who I would perceive to be positive, who will enjoy everyday God has given him. I loved every moment of it, and from that point on, I felt alive again.

It is now clear to me that people are truly great. the people around me are the best group of people around, maybe not for everyone in general. But finding them made me who I am today and they made me realize that I wanted to help other people as well. These people have been my inspiration.

It has not been an easy journey to this point, but living like I have been for the past few months has given me a positive attitude towards not only my own life, but to others as well, and I intend to share that positive attitude to the world even if it takes one person at a time :)

Ps.

Seeing how everything turned out, I can honestly say that it was truly worth it.

"Life is only hard if you accept that it would be hard."

- Chot

Undefined

I was whoever the world dictates me to be, but it never occurred to myself that I was leaving a part of me which is truly great. I always fear that I will never reach my potential. So today, I want to unlock that potential. I accept that I will fail 9 times out of 10, I accept the fact that not all people will like who I am. but I will never accept the day that I gave up on something I truly want.  

Why Undefined?

I believe a man's mind is infinite, that he can think of a million different ways to go about doing something with out even knowing it. don't you believe that you are infinite in some ways? there is literally nothing in this world that is constant, and I mean nothing, so why remain static? Improve daily, I mean what's stopping you from finally writing that book, or starting that diet? Potential lost is always filled with a lifetime of regret. never stop, never complain, and never give in to the power of sin.

I am undefined, I now refuse to be defined by the words of others. I will only follow the path I want, and I choose to follow the word of my shepherd. Don't misconstrue my words here, I value your opinion, and I value each and everyone's right to tell me anything they choose to talk to me about. but if what I believe in is compromised, I will not bend over backwards so easily.

I will never fear failures, never fear changes, and never fear my inadequacies, for I know that I am inadequate, that's why I strive for improvement. One percent better everyday.

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me". (Philippians 4: 13)

Face your inner demons with the confidence that Christ is by your side, how can you fail for it is written that you are infinite with the power of christ.

I always loved this passage, have a great day and a happy sunday morning read.

-Chot

P.S.

This blog is about me, I know, I'm sorry for this. I'm just frustrated at the moment.

Update

Its been a busy month. I will update the blog when I have time to write, I miss writing. I really do.

Let me leave you with some words for you to ponder on.

I was angered for I had no shoes, then I saw men who had no feet (Chinese Proverb).

Widen your view of the world, look too narrow and you shall suffer from anger and poor temperament.
Do not value your own life as if it is the only life worth saving. We are all equal in this world as brothers and sisters.

-Chot

Lowest Point

Friends, haven't we all had our share of those days where everything you do seems like a waste of time? that you are just a waste of space? This is a bad place to get stuck on. Trust me, i'm still in this constant battle of deciding whether to go to work or just stay at home and forget the world. This is everyday life my friends. you can either choose to grow, or stay the same.

Experiences define who we are. It either gets you down or it helps you up, simple enough. but most importantly, experiences teach you that even though your life seems so bleak right now, choosing to stand up and live your life will eventually prove to yourself that you ARE WORTH IT, that YOU CAN DO IT. So when the day comes that another experience threatens our will to fight, we know in ourselves that everything will be fine. Fight the urge to quit and learn from the process.

Fight with me, let's live and love life together.
- Chot

Middle

I love and hate you. I check up on you and never want to hear from you again. I cherish moments past and look through these with great disdain. Never in the middle, but always in both extremes.

This is how I look at moving on. It's as if you are learning to fall out of love with the person who you already spent countless moments falling more in love with as time passes. Seems counter-productive, but its the only way. Every waking moment I look to my friends for advice, but even if I want to listen, their advice still fell on deaf ears. I seek the counsel of people who I refuse to listen to. no offense to the reader whom I asked for advice. But I really was a helpless case. 

Maybe I wanted to cry and remain hurt until I started hating that feeling, it seems the only logical explanation. But that was not the reason. "We accept the love we think we deserve" A perfect quote From the book "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" which seems too poetic to mention. It feels so eerie, reading through the messages of my friends, taking that walk through memory lane. Finally, I have learned to accept their love, I have learned to listen to their words. Its all about accepting the love of friends, because without them, I wouldn't be the man I am today and i wouldn't be the God fearing man I am today.

To the lady who made me realize that I am worth so much more.

Of course, you will never be forgotten, and I will never hate you for this. count it to the fact that I respect you even more today than yesterday. But I am happier now, and you should be too.

Love always,

- Chot

Thank you

Sometimes, the world seems so unfair. The worst things happen when you least expect them to. I thank the lord for everything that happened, because without all the unfairness in this world, I wouldn't have known about the UECP Ministry.

Believe me when I say this, Volleyball was the last thing in my mind. problems piled up, wounds so deep I thought would never heal. but God answered all my problems, scars faded and God's presence never left me. Quoting a famous song, "when god ran, he ran to me he took me in his arm, held my head to his chest, said my son has come home again". That's how i felt, God ran to me and he gave me a new set of friends.

UECP Volleyball Ministry was introduced to me by a friend, he knew that i was down in the dumps and he just non-chalantly invited me.

I immediately felt at home, people were truly nice and everybody had common ground. We love god, and we love volleyball, It was as if I finally found a place where I can share my love for both. It was a perfect fit.

Be it that I was not really new to the group since i played there before, it felt like something new, because out of all the things that happened, this was the first time I was again truly happy.

Short blog, but this is to simply thank my new family if i may, I treat each and every one of you guys as family.

Happiness is not something you look for, sometimes it seeks the people who truly deserve it.

-Chot

Cheers! and thank you UECP Family.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday My sister dearest.

The art of forgiving has been long repressed in my existence. It was not one of my strong suits, upon experiencing something so profound. I have come to a conclusion that people should forgive more easily. Why do people forgive way too late? You and I usually fight for months on end. This was not healthy at all because we wouldn't speak a word to each other until we get tired of skirting away from each other while stealing glances and wondering what the other one is up to.

I missed you during those times, but was that absolutely necessary? I believe so, for our relationship couldn't go anywhere but up because there was no interaction at all. I hope and pray that everything will be better from now on.

What i am getting at is that I Forgive myself for ever forcing myself to not talk to my best friend in the world as cheesy as it may sound, but at the end of the day, I still love you even if we don't talk because pride gets the best of us.

Hindi man tayo nag aaway ngayon, pero we will again at some point. Just remember na hindi ko na gusto yung nangyayari satin, we have to be mature, kasi tayo rin ang magkasama habang buhay.

Forgiveness is like Releasing a prisoner and finding out that the prisoner was yourself.

Happy birthday my sister.

-Chot

P.S. This post is way too early, but at least nauna ako :) Love you Athena Louise

Open letter

Guys, treat her right, i learned the hard way.

I want to be the best version of myself now, so this is why i am making an open letter to all guys and possibly girls out there to always remember THAT DAY when you first met the one girl who gets you, that one girl who understands you. THAT ONE GIRL who put up with all your shit, and that girl who loves and cares for you deeply.

Because if you keep on reminding yourself of this FACT, you will never say no to her, you will never take her for granted, you will ALWAYS appreciate the little things she does, and i promise you that you will be the man she deserves.

Short Blog, but no wiser words have been spoken by yours truly.

Be a man, do not hide behind your insecurities

-Chot

Forgiveness

What is forgiveness? In my 23 years of existence, I have never truly found the right words to express what it means to me. Is it that moment when you truly stop being mad at that person? To me FORGIVENESS IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING. its literal meaning may be summarized in the previous question. But then again, it could mean something so profound that people may be a little more forgiving in the future.

To me, forgiveness should always start within. Why? because you can never blame somebody for being themselves. You can never blame someone else for being offended by the way people act or react to certain matters. They are their own persons and you should respect them and not forgive out of feeling sorry for them, If i may in the vernacular, "naawa ka lang kaya mo pinatawad" (You felt sorry for them and forgave them).

Forgive yourself and the fact that you forgot how to love.
Forgive yourself that you forgot that you cared.
Forgive yourself that you forgot that you have been family, lovers, and friends for a reason.
FORGIVE YOURSELF.

If you master this art of forgiving, every fight would seem petty. Because ingrained in your mind is the fact that before everything that happened and nothing fazed your belief in those persons. In your thoughts is that a close knit family was important, that you wouldn't  change anything about him or her, and that you have been friends because of some shared interest and passion. That all of these things will never change.

Family, Friends, and YOU, I forgive myself for ever forgetting how much you guys mean to me. I could never again get mad for anything so stupid or so petty. I love you and I will try my best to understand you guys. I am after all human.

To err is human, but to forgive is divine

-Chot

P.S. This post is dedicated to you.

A M I.

Faith

Seeing is believing. That was my motto in life. Why did I put my faith in 3 words that doesn't even make sense to me right now? Have a little faith, believing that God exists is one of the many wonders in this world that we certainly do not see. The blind faith that God is watching over us, and that he will guide us every step of the way. This is certainly one of the greatest feelings that any man can ever feel. Do you really need to see him?

Everyday, life teaches us many things. But God? His teachings transcend everyday life, he is omniscient. He is infinite.

Love God, Let God Let go

-Chot

Anger

I Hopped in the FX and sat next to a couple who seemed to be having a disagreement. Not going further into details about their little spat. He was telling her that she should leave, that he didn't care about her and he wouldn't take her home (bahala ka na sa buhay mo, basta hindi kita ihahatid sa bahay mo). She was insisting that she should come with him somewhere. But he was mad, not listening, he was nudging her and telling her to go home. She was crying.

It was like looking at a mirror. I was that guy, that guy who couldn't rise up and fight that hatred. I knew that it wouldn't end well for the both of them. The girl went home and the guy couldn't even get out of his way to get out of the FX and go after her. Long story short, he was too proud to let the woman know that he truly wanted to go after her. But that's what pride does. it makes you do stupid things. I mean this guy was crazy for allowing this girl to go home alone no matter how mad he should be at that particular moment. He needs to learn the hard way. I needed to learn the hard way.

Basing from experience, the guy truly deserves what comes after that. No explanations needed, he needs to understand that if you love a person, no amount of anger and pride should come in between the relationship.

How do we deal with it then? Anger for me was always an issue. I would blow up with the most simplest issues. This was my defense mechanism, I didn't want to show weakness when i was out of my comfort zone. It is not a sin to show weakness. It is actually a gift to another. Because in this way, you can show another side of yourself, the person that would like to try different things, to take that risk. It is truly a gift i didn't learn to give until it was too late.

Love a little, live a little.

-Chot

Envy

I used to envy people. Before, I was not happy with all the blessings that I have. Because sometimes, the world just doesn't seem fair, because the people who truly deserve most of what other people have don't have those same luxuries. I was truly envious of these people who despite this fact, are happy.

Can you blame me? Quitting law school, going through a generally rough patch in my life for the past few months was never a part of my plan. It was hard to understand this fact because at that time, I had it all. A loving family, the best girlfriend in the world, a future career as a lawyer, and great friends who will be there for me no matter what. Before everything turned to dust, I never realized how blessed my life was, and that I never thanked anyone because I thought that i was entitled to all these things. and despite everything, i was not contented with it all.

Everything put into perspective, losing everything was actually a blessing. Let me explain, when i lost everything, I was in a dark place of my own. A place where I could not understand why this world had forsaken me. It was truly a bad time to live, since everything i knew and everything i thought i deserved had vanished. I took time to talk to God and he taught me that being happy shouldn't be contingent on what you think you deserve. Being happy is the fact that even when everything you would want to have is out of your reach, you should be content with the fact of reaching for it until the world agrees with you. Strive hard to reach your goals and accept the fact that at this point in time, it is not for you.

To my family, you will always be a part of my life. I am truly sorry for everything. Now more than ever, i believe that nothing will tear us apart even though at some point we will be miles apart from each other. I love you and i am here for you guys.

To my Ex-Girlfriend, understanding your situation has given me perspective on what a good boyfriend should be doing. I will strive harder for myself, seek the counsel of others and most of all, I will never forget the lessons that you have taught me. I will never forget the memories, both happy and sad. I love you and I respect you.

To my true friends, I cannot imagine how my life will be right now without a constant support system who has guided me through everything. YOU made me realize that everything has its reason, YOU kept me happy even though i believed that the world turned its back on me. Everything put in place, i hope that after a few years, that we will be laughing about this. I love you and i am here for you guys.

To my future self, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ANYONE. Love yourself and never forget that everything happened because you let things happen.

Now what have I truly learned? that Envy can either make your life horrible, or it can make it respect yourself to a point that you will not base other people's happiness upon your own. While it is true that envy is sin, its a sin that we truly cannot avoid. it's how we deal with the fact that we envy is what matters.

Seize the day, before its too late.

-Chot

Moving Forward

What is this you are feeling? The lingering feeling of being happy and yet sad at the same time or that vain hope that keeps you holding on to the past. It’s hard, I know, but you have to take that step sometime, move on. Why not today? Find yourself, do what you love, go out with friends, enjoy life. It seems so simple and yet, too many people remain stagnant, not growing, not enjoying the time to think, not using that time to grow, not moving forward.

What is the solution? All I can offer from experience that this feeling will not go away until you accept the fact that it is time to let go, that it is time to move forward, acceptance most difficult when you cling on to the memories, whether good, or bad. Newsflash! You can’t forget these memories at once, it takes time, but the harder you cling to these memories, the harder you accept the fact that happy days will just be a memory for you to keep of those moments that you were hers, and she was yours. You cannot erase history; you just have to accept that the time was not right, that even if you went back in time, you wouldn’t be able to fix what went wrong.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Lets use this mantra, Start today!

Start loving yourself again!

Start believing in a happier tomorrow!

Start improving yourself!

Start being happy for everything that you have! 

Start believing that if you get through this, nothing is impossible.

Start trusting others!

Start confronting problems head on!

START TODAY!

Rookie Blogger here, I accept criticism so please feel free to comment!

Renewed optimism

A personal blog for myself to be able to express my thoughts and emotions, to be able to grow as an individual, and to learn to be happy with what i have, join me as I enter into a spiritual retreat upon every blog post.

Suggest topics, provide insight, share your stories.

-Chot